An Unexpected Visit to the E.R.

I am going to be honest, I am so prideful.... so Heavenly Father taught me a humbling lesson in a really unique way. This week many big events (lessons, meetings, two baptisms) were scheduled and so I was ready to work hard. I prayed, worked and studied harder than ever and I was in game mode. I thought all week, "I got this." And then I found myself collapsed on my bed Wednesday night after meetings and lessons in possibly the worst pain I have ever felt and it had lasted all day long. I was just barely letting myself rest after a long, busy day and I could not get out of bed. I was taken to urgent care and they sent me directly to the E.R. I really did not think it was necessary but I went anyways with my President and his wife by my side. After a C.T. scan, blood work, hours of waiting for test results and pain the doctor came in and let me know I was scheduled to get my appendix out within hours. All the events of the week came running to my head and there was no way I was going to be able to attend any of them. I was so STRESSED. But I really didn't have any other choice. I was admitted to the hospital and got some rest before I was taken into surgery hours later. 

The surgery went well! The hardest part has definitely been the recovery. Laying in bed all day, taking medication, eating very little and the pain of the wounds really got to me. I felt so sad and so frustrated. To top things off our investigator and his son that were getting baptized this weekend called to see how I was doing and let me know he was cancelling the baptism to let me recover and that we could meet after I felt better. It was so sweet and thoughtful but I thought NOOO!!!! I tried so hard to promise him I'd be ready but it just wasn't possible. I appreciated the love and concern from the investigator but it felt as though all our hard work was going down the drain.

Our amazing week ended up being the worst week of my mission. After letting myself soak in my self pitty I took advantage of my alone time when my comp left the room thinking I was asleep and I said a prayer that was kind of a selfish, angry prayer. I was so upset with how the week had turned out and all our cancelled events we had prepared months for. I asked why? Why now and why like this? I had worked so hard and I thought I could do it. And these words quickly came to my mind. "You are not in charge here, I am. Just trust me." I realized I had been relying on myself and trusting in my plans and abilities and not my Heavenly Father's. I was forgetting to incorporate Him into all the plans and ask Him for help. I have also been sick for months and hadn't had the time or opportunity to get checked until now.

I learned a few huge lessons:

1. We are not in charge. God knows so much more and so much better than us. 
2. Because of this His plan will always be infinitely better than ours.
3. We just need to trust and accept His will even when things get hard, especially then.

So the week ended and we had 0 lessons, no baptisms, lots of cancelled and highly anticipated events, I can barely walk or eat and although it all stinks right now I know that Heavenly Father knows why this needed to happen. And until I know I will do the best I can to be thankful for the medical attention I desperately needed and was able to receive, the loving members, investigators, leaders and missionaries who were right by my side the whole time. I trust Him, I know Him and I love Him.

On a brighter note, the nurses were awesome. I got to explain to them what I do as a missionary and here are some funny responses.

On the fact that we can't watch TV or movies:
"Do you have any idea how much Netflix you need to catch up on when you get home?!"
"So what do you do when you're bored?" (We don't have time to be bored.) 

Having companions:
"But like what if you don't like your companion?"
"So it's like an arranged friendship for 6 weeks?"
"Do you hate each other yet?" 

Seperation from family and friends:
"That's soooo sad."
"So they sort of kidnap you from your family?"
"I need a break like that from my family." 

Service for 18 months:
"That is so long, how do you do it?"
"So were you forced by your family to do this or do you actually like it?"

After sharing what missionary work means to me and why I am doing it:
"Awe... you're so cute. I would never do that."
"You should start a T.V. show about this, I'd watch it."

OH YEAH! Also I am getting transferred to Springlake and getting a comp who is new and I'm so excited! Wish me luck so I can pack, I should be back to normal by Wednesday. Have an awesome week. I am getting better every day! 

Los quiero!

Hermana Tapia